Mud and Sparkles

During the month of June I have had the privilege to be a part of a group called ‘Grief in my own words’. It’s an online group run by Rachel Smith (Cancer Focus NI) with daily quotes and prompts which help us process our thoughts about our grief journey. We are encouraged to write and share our words with each other. As you can imagine, it has been an emotional month. Tears and laughter and painful honesty and many memories. I just wanted to share one piece with you from my month of writing.

Grief is like a mountain climb.

There are times when your emotional muscles are aching and sore and there seems that nothing can ease the pain.

There are times when the path levels out a bit and the steps you take seem a little easier and your breathing becomes calmer.

There are times when you get a stone in your boot – a memory, a regret, a remembered conversation that aggravates and annoys and no matter how many times you shake it out, it seems to lodge somehow and get stuck.

There are times when a blister forms. The pressure on the same place in your heart causing rawness and exposure that a plaster can’t fix.

There are times when the weather, totally beyond your control, interrupts. You have to take shelter, cocoon yourself, protect yourself and be alone.

And then there are times when the sun comes out. When everything feels ok. Warm and wonderful. And you can soak up that goodness into your skin. You can feel the closeness of him, the memory of him that soothes your soul. You can turn and look at the spectacular view – beautiful. A distant time and place of goodness, sharing, dreams, plans, laughter, bravery and happiness.

And then you turn back to the path and the climb, and the weather, and the stone in your boot, and the blister, and you keep going.